The New Rules of Love: How Ethical Non-Monogamy Can Transform Your Relationship
The New Rules of Love: How Ethical Non-Monogamy Can Transform Your Relationship
Curious about open relationships or ethical non-monogamy? Learn about the neuroscience of desire, risks and benefits, and the emotional skills necessary to thrive in non-traditional relationship structures. Discover how Embodied Wellness and Recovery supports individuals and couples exploring conscious intimacy.
Exploring Open Relationships and Ethical Non-Monogamy: A Neuroscience-Informed Guide to Fulfilling Connection
Have you ever found yourself questioning whether monogamy is right for you? Do you feel conflicted about loving your partner yet desiring connection with others? Are you and your partner struggling to meet all of each other's emotional and sexual needs? If so, you're not alone.
In today's evolving relationship landscape, more people are openly exploring ethical non-monogamy (ENM) as a pathway to expanded intimacy and authentic self-expression. Open relationships offer an opportunity to step outside conventional norms and engage in multiple romantic or sexual partnerships—with consent, honesty, and intentionality.
But while the promise of deeper fulfillment is alluring, ENM also comes with its own challenges and emotional risks. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support individuals and couples navigating non-traditional dynamics by helping them understand the neuroscience behind desire and attachment, build skills for emotional regulation, and cultivate healthy boundaries and communication.
What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship style in which individuals engage in consensual, non-exclusive romantic or sexual relationships. Common types include:
– Open relationships (one or both partners have other sexual partners)
– Polyamory (multiple loving relationships)
– Swinging (usually recreational sex with others, often together)
– Relationship anarchy (non-hierarchical, fluid relationship structures)
Unlike infidelity, ENM is grounded in transparency, consent, and ongoing communication.
Why Explore an Open Relationship?
For many, monogamy can feel restrictive—especially if one partner cannot meet all of the other's emotional, sexual, or intellectual needs. Some common reasons individuals explore ENM include:
– A desire for sexual variety without ending a committed partnership
– Emotional fulfillment through multiple deep connections
– Seeking self-growth and authenticity
– Aligning with personal values around freedom and autonomy
The human brain is wired for novelty and connection. Neuroscience shows that dopamine, the brain's "reward" neurotransmitter, spikes with new romantic or sexual experiences (Fisher et al., 2016). This can create excitement and enhance vitality but can also lead to dysregulation if not anchored in conscious relationship agreements.
The Emotional Risks of Ethical Non-Monogamy
While the potential for increased fulfillment exists, open relationships also carry emotional risks that should not be ignored:
– Jealousy and insecurity
– Feelings of rejection or abandonment
– Attachment wounds resurfacing
– Complicated power dynamics
– Increased need for emotional self-regulation
These experiences are not a sign that you're doing ENM "wrong"—they are natural responses rooted in our nervous systems. The brain's limbic system, particularly the amygdala, is wired to detect threats to connection, which can make navigating multiple attachments particularly complex.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support clients in learning to track these emotional responses somatically—recognizing where the body holds fear, insecurity, or desire—and developing mindfulness tools to stay grounded in the face of relational intensity.
Qualities Necessary to Make Open Relationships Work
To thrive in ethical non-monogamy, individuals and couples must cultivate:
1. Secure Attachment
A foundation of trust and emotional safety is crucial. Partners need to feel secure in their bond to withstand the vulnerabilities that come with ENM.
2. Emotional Regulation
Jealousy is inevitable. The question is not if it will arise but how you respond to it. Practices like breathwork, somatic tracking, and nervous system co-regulation help reduce reactivity.
3. Radical Honesty
ENM requires ongoing communication about needs, boundaries, and feelings. Transparency is a non-negotiable.
4. Compassionate Curiosity
Being open to your partner’s desires without taking them personally allows for growth. This means exploring your triggers with curiosity, not criticism.
5. Clear Agreements and Boundaries
What is allowed and what isn’t? Clarity around physical, emotional, and time-based boundaries can reduce misunderstandings and prevent harm.
What to Ask Yourself Before Entering ENM
– Am I seeking ENM from a place of wholeness or escape?
– What needs am I hoping to meet that I can’t currently access?
– Have I explored these needs with my current partner?
– How do I typically respond to jealousy or insecurity?
– Do I have a support system or therapist who can help me navigate the emotional terrain?
ENM and the Brain: A Neuroscientific Perspective
Our brains are complex social organs. While novelty can trigger pleasure through dopamine, deeper emotional connections activate oxytocin—the bonding hormone (Zhang et al., 2019). Successfully practicing ENM requires balancing these neurochemical systems.
Without mindful integration, chasing novelty can lead to emotional burnout. That’s why nervous system regulation and somatic awareness are foundational to this work.
How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help
Whether you’re curious about ENM or actively navigating its complexities, our therapists at Embodied Wellness and Recovery offer:
– Couples therapy focused on deepening connection and clarifying agreements
– Somatic therapy to help you track and regulate emotions
– Sex therapy to address desire discrepancies and sexual shame
– Attachment-focused EMDR for healing relational trauma
– Safe spaces for processing jealousy, grief, and identity expansion
We work with individuals of all identities, orientations, and relationship styles to help you explore conscious intimacy in a way that aligns with your values and nervous system capacity.
Freedom with Integrity
Ethical non-monogamy can offer a profound opportunity for connection, growth, and expanded intimacy. But it isn’t a shortcut to fulfillment—and it’s certainly not a fix for a fractured relationship. It requires emotional maturity, intentional agreements, and a deep commitment to inner work.
If you’re struggling with the perceived limitations of monogamy, you don’t have to suffer in silence or feel ashamed of your desires. There is a path to relational freedom that honors both self-expression and emotional responsibility.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we’re here to walk with you. Reach out today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated relationship experts and sex therapists.
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
📚 References
Fisher, H., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2016). Romantic Love: A Mammalian Brain System for Mate Choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 361(1476), 2173–2186.
Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., Ziegler, A., Rubin, J. D., & Conley, T. D. (2021). Moving Past the Stigma: Ethical Non-monogamy is More Common Than You Think. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(11), 3083–3106.
Zhang, G., Stackman, R. W., & Fan, W. (2019). The Role of Oxytocin and Vasopressin in Social Behavior and Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Neuroscience Biobehavioral Reviews, 107, 537–548.
Healing at the Roots: How Somatic Experiencing Enhances Attachment-Focused EMDR
Healing at the Roots: How Somatic Experiencing Enhances Attachment-Focused EMDR
Struggling with emotional dysregulation rooted in attachment trauma? Discover the healing potential of combining Somatic Experiencing with Attachment-Focused EMDR. This powerful therapeutic blend helps regulate the nervous system, reprocess painful memories, and build secure relationships.
Why Is Attachment Trauma So Disruptive to the Nervous System?
Attachment trauma often results from chronic emotional neglect or inconsistency in early caregiving. It disrupts the nervous system’s ability to regulate emotions and creates long-lasting patterns of hypervigilance or shutdown in relationships. These responses are not psychological failures—they're adaptive survival strategies.
What Is Attachment-Focused EMDR?
Attachment-Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR) integrates standard EMDR protocols with relational and developmental repair strategies. It addresses core wounds of abandonment, shame, and relational trauma using imaginal resourcing, inner child work, and Ideal Parent Figure visualizations.
What Is Somatic Experiencing (SE)?
SE is a body-based trauma therapy that helps regulate the nervous system by tracking physical sensations, discharging survival energy, and restoring a sense of embodied safety. It’s based on the idea that trauma is stored in the body—not just the mind.
The Problem: EMDR Alone Can Trigger Overwhelm in Dysregulated Systems
Even gentle EMDR protocols can activate unresolved trauma. Without nervous system regulation, clients may dissociate, become overwhelmed, or regress emotionally. This signals the need for somatic support—not that EMDR has failed.
The Solution: Combining Somatic Experiencing with Attachment-Focused EMDR
Together, SE and AF-EMDR address trauma from the top down and bottom up. SE regulates the nervous system and prepares the body to engage in and integrate trauma processing. AF-EMDR then reprocesses attachment wounds while maintaining somatic safety.
Healing Intimacy After Betrayal Trauma
One client healed from emotional flashbacks and intimacy avoidance by combining SE and AF-EMDR. She felt more connected, grounded, and empowered in relationships through Ideal Parent resourcing, somatic tracking, and trauma reprocessing.
Why This Approach Matters for Relationships, Sexuality, and Intimacy
Attachment wounds affect trust, touch, and emotional vulnerability. Somatic work restores a sense of safety in the body, while EMDR transforms limiting beliefs. This combination is especially effective for relational trauma, sexual disconnection, and intimacy avoidance.
Hope Is Not Just a Concept—It’s a Felt Experience
Healing is about creating new relational templates where the body learns it’s safe to connect. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we combine neuroscience-backed therapies to help you build real, lasting change from the inside out.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we’re here to offer that support—with skill, compassion, and deep respect for your journey.
Reach out today to schedule a free 20- minute consultation with our team of top-rated trauma specialits, EMDR experts, somatic practitioners, or couples therapists to discuss whether Embodied Wellness and Recovery could be an ideal fit for your healing needs.
📍 Serving Los Angeles, Nashville, and clients nationwide (via telehealth)
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
Parnell, L. (2013). Attachment-focused EMDR: Healing Relational Trauma. W. W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Understanding Cognitive Interweaves in EMDR: What to Do When Trauma Processing Loops
Understanding Cognitive Interweaves in EMDR: What to Do When Trauma Processing Loops
Wondering why EMDR processing sometimes stalls? Learn how cognitive interweaves help jumpstart healing when trauma reprocessing gets stuck. Discover what they are, when to use them, and how they support your nervous system’s natural recovery process.
What Are Cognitive Interweaves in EMDR? A Neuroscience-Informed Guide for When Healing Feels Stalled
You’re doing the work. You’ve shown up for your EMDR session. You’ve identified a memory, engaged in bilateral stimulation, and focused on your target. But then… nothing shifts. You feel like you’re looping, lost, or emotionally numb. You’re stuck in the very trauma you came to heal.
Why does EMDR processing sometimes stall, and what can be done when the brain hits a block? The answer often lies in a powerful therapeutic tool: cognitive interweaves.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in trauma-informed, neuroscience-based healing for individuals and couples. Whether you’re navigating attachment wounds, relational trauma, or struggles with sexuality and intimacy, understanding cognitive interweaves can be a pivotal step on your journey.
Why EMDR Sometimes Gets Stuck
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) works by activating the brain’s adaptive information processing (AIP) system, which naturally moves distressing memories toward resolution. Bilateral stimulation—through eye movements, taps, or sounds—helps integrate unprocessed traumatic material into the brain’s larger narrative system.
But trauma doesn’t always follow a straight path.
You might get stuck if:
– The memory triggers overwhelm, dissociation, or shutdown
– You feel trapped in repetitive thoughts or emotional loops
– A part of you doesn’t want to let go of the old belief
– There’s an absence of adaptive or corrective insight
In these moments, the AIP system is blocked—and no amount of continued stimulation will move the memory forward until something shifts.
What Is a Cognitive Interweave?
A cognitive interweave is a targeted, therapist-initiated intervention designed to assist the brain when processing becomes blocked or dysregulated. It’s not part of standard EMDR reprocessing but rather a gentle guide used only when necessary.
Cognitive interweaves are brief statements, questions, or reflections that:
– Provide missing information
– Offer a new perspective
– Challenge distorted beliefs
– Reconnect the client to adult logic or self-compassion
– Facilitate emotional insight or regulation
Think of interweaves as bridges—connecting trauma-bound neural networks to adaptive, integrated ones.
The Neuroscience Behind Getting Stuck
Trauma alters the brain. When a traumatic event occurs, the amygdala (your brain’s fear center) goes into overdrive, flooding your system with stress hormones. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and insight) often goes offline (van der Kolk, 2014). This creates fragmented memories—highly charged emotional and sensory imprints with little access to logic or language.
During EMDR, the brain is invited to reprocess these stored fragments. But the processing may freeze if the fear response is re-triggered—or if the memory is tied to shame, helplessness, or deeply embedded childhood beliefs.
Cognitive interweaves stimulate top-down integration, inviting the prefrontal cortex back online. This allows new meaning, adult perspective, and emotional regulation to enter the process.
When Should Cognitive Interweaves Be Used?
Interweaves are used sparingly—and only when processing is clearly blocked.
Signs a cognitive interweave might be needed:
– The client is looping on the same thought or image without movement
– There’s emotional flooding or overwhelm
– The client becomes numb, blank, or dissociative
– The processing is stuck in black-and-white thinking
– There’s no access to adaptive information, such as self-compassion or insight
These are not signs of failure—they are signals that the nervous system needs support to move forward.
Types of Cognitive Interweaves and When to Use Them
Different kinds of interweaves address different blocks. The most effective interweaves are tailored to the client’s developmental history, trauma type, and current nervous system state.
1. Logical Interweaves
Used when distorted or rigid beliefs dominate (e.g., self-blame, perfectionism).
“You were only 6 years old—was it really your job to protect your siblings?”
“If a friend told you this story, would you blame them?”
2. Empathic Interweaves
Used to introduce compassion or reframe the client’s experience.
“Can you feel how brave you were just surviving that?”
“Would it make sense that any child in your position would have felt scared and alone?”
3. Didactic Interweaves
Used to offer psychoeducation or normalize trauma responses.
“Freeze responses are your nervous system’s way of protecting you when fight or flight wasn’t possible.”
“Children often blame themselves because it gives them a sense of control—even if it’s not true.”
4. Relational Interweaves
Used when the client struggles to connect emotionally or trust the process.
“Can you feel me with you right now? You’re not alone in this.”
“I believe you. Can you borrow my belief until you’re ready to believe it, too?”
5. Developmental Interweaves
Used to meet unmet attachment needs or soothe wounded parts.
“What did your younger self need in that moment?”
“Can you imagine someone loving and safe stepping in to help?”
These interweaves may be combined with parts work or inner child imagery to help clients engage from both their adult self and vulnerable child self.
Cognitive Interweaves and Somatic Therapy: A Powerful Combination
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate EMDR with Somatic Experiencing, recognizing that trauma lives in the body as much as the brain.
When an interweave is offered in combination with somatic awareness (e.g., “Can you feel what happens in your body when you hear that?”), it activates bottom-up regulation from the vagus nerve and brainstem. This approach reconnects the body to safety, promoting deeper integration and emotional coherence (Porges, 2011; Siegel, 2012).
Hope When EMDR Feels Stalled
It’s disheartening to feel stuck in therapy—especially when you’ve been brave enough to face painful memories. But feeling stuck doesn’t mean healing has stopped. It often means you’ve reached a core wound—a belief or memory your system has carried alone for too long.
This is the exact moment cognitive interweaves were designed for. With the right intervention, your brain can access new meaning. The loop can become a pathway. The stuckness can become movement.
Why Choose Embodied Wellness and Recovery?
Our trauma specialists are deeply trained in both Attachment-Focused EMDR and traditional EMDR as well as somatic therapies, making us uniquely equipped to handle complex, relational, and developmental trauma. Whether you're healing from childhood neglect, sexual trauma, betrayal, codependency, or relationship ruptures, we bring compassionate neuroscience-informed care to every session.
We also offer:
– Specialty Programs for your specific needs
– Somatic Surf Therapy and Trauma Sensitive Yoga
– Retreats
– Couples Therapy for Intimacy and Trust Repair
– Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP)
– Microdosing Integration Support
Healing takes courage, but you don’t have to do it alone. When trauma processing feels overwhelming or directionless, cognitive interweaves can illuminate the path forward.
Final Thoughts: EMDR Is a Dance Between Structure and Intuition
Cognitive interweaves are more than tools—they are relational moments of attunement, insight, and repair. They remind us that healing is not linear, but it is possible. And when the mind gets stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It simply means your nervous system is asking for a new kind of support.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we’re here to offer that support—with skill, compassion, and deep respect for your journey.
Reach out today to schedule a free 20- minute consultation with our team of top-rated trauma specialits, EMDR experts, somatic practitioners, or couples therapists to discuss whether Embodied Wellness and Recovery could be an ideal fit for your healing needs.
📍 Serving Los Angeles, Nashville, and clients nationwide (via telehealth)
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Think EMDR Is Only for Trauma Survivors? Here’s How It Helps with Anxiety, Perfectionism, and More
Think EMDR Is Only for Trauma Survivors? Here’s How It Helps with Anxiety, Perfectionism, and More
Think EMDR is only for PTSD or abuse? Think again. EMDR therapy is a powerful tool for healing attachment wounds, anxiety, perfectionism, body image struggles, and even money blocks. Discover how this neuroscience-backed therapy can transform your emotional health.
Think EMDR Is Only for War or Abuse Survivors? Think Again.
When you hear the word trauma, what comes to mind?
Combat veterans. Abuse survivors. Catastrophic events.
But what if your trauma doesn't look like that?
What if you’re silently suffering from chronic anxiety, perfectionism, a painful breakup, or money shame—and no one has ever called it “trauma”?
You’re not alone—and yes, EMDR therapy can help.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in treating both “big T” and “small t” traumas—those everyday emotional injuries that often go unseen but deeply shape your nervous system, beliefs, and relationships.
What Is EMDR—And How Does It Actually Work?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a highly effective, neuroscience-based therapy that helps people process and integrate distressing memories and emotional patterns.
Originally developed to treat PTSD, EMDR works by using bilateral stimulation (like guided eye movements or tapping) to activate both hemispheres of the brain while revisiting unresolved emotional experiences.
This process allows your brain to “digest” unprocessed memories, resolve emotional blocks, and replace negative beliefs with healthier, adaptive ones.
“Small T” Trauma: The Invisible Injuries That Linger
While “big T” trauma refers to life-threatening events, “small t” trauma includes the chronic, cumulative, or subtle experiences that dysregulate your nervous system and shape your sense of safety, self-worth, and identity.
Examples include:
– Repeated criticism or emotional neglect in childhood
– Being shamed for expressing emotions
– Breakups that left you questioning your worth
– Feeling like love had to be earned
– Constant pressure to be perfect or high achieving
– Financial instability or inherited beliefs around money
These experiences don’t need to be extreme to be traumatic. They live in your body, distort your beliefs, and fuel anxiety, shame, and self-sabotage.
The Neuroscience of EMDR and Emotional Healing
Your nervous system remembers.
When something painful happens—especially if you were too young to process it or lacked emotional support—your brain stores that experience in a “frozen” state. Triggers in the present moment can then reactivate the original fear, shame, or powerlessness.
This is why:
– A colleague’s tone can make you feel like a scolded child
– A dating rejection spirals into “I’m not lovable.”
– Looking at your bank account floods you with anxiety and guilt
EMDR targets these emotionally encoded experiences and, through dual attention stimulation, helps your brain complete the healing cycle. It rewires how your nervous system responds and reshapes your core beliefs.
As Siegel (2012) explains, integration—the linking of differentiated parts of the brain—is the foundation of mental health. EMDR facilitates this process.
What EMDR Can Help You Heal—Beyond PTSD
EMDR is a powerful tool for healing non-traditional traumas that still have a profound emotional impact.
✔️ Attachment Wounds
– Heal the internalized belief that “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much.”
– Reprocess early experiences of neglect, abandonment, or inconsistent caregiving
– Learn to feel safe in relationships and trust emotional connection
✔️ Breakups and Relationship Trauma
– Unhook from obsessive thoughts about an ex
– Process betrayal, loss, or relational patterns rooted in childhood
– Shift from shame and blame to clarity and self-compassion
✔️ Chronic Anxiety and Hypervigilance
– Target the root causes of your nervous system’s overdrive
– Address unmet needs for safety, control, and certainty
– Reclaim your calm and clarity
✔️ Body Image and Shame
– Process experiences of body-based bullying or criticism
– Release internalized appearance standards or weight trauma
Learn to relate to your body with compassion instead of punishment
✔️ Perfectionism and Burnout
– Heal the internalized voice that says, “You’re only worthy if you’re achievin.”
– Reprocess experiences of conditional love or high parental expectations
– Begin to rest without guilt and live without constantly proving yourself
✔️ Money Blocks and Financial Shame
– Address inherited beliefs like “money is bad,” “I’ll never have enough,”
– Heal the emotional charge around debt, spending, or financial mistakes
– Build new, empowered neural pathways for abundance and stability
Why Traditional Talk Therapy May Not Be Enough
Talk therapy can provide insight, validation, and coping skills, but when your trauma lives in the non-verbal, emotional brain, words alone often can't reach it.
EMDR bypasses the logical brain and goes straight to the root, allowing you to feel different, not just think differently.
As Parnell (2013) emphasizes, trauma is not simply a memory—it is a lived experience stored in the nervous system, EMDR helps you shift from survival to safety.
You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Heal
If you’ve ever thought:
– “I know it wasn’t abuse, but it still really hurt.”
– “Why can’t I get over this breakup?”
– “Why do I feel so anxious all the time?”
– “I should be grateful, but I still feel empty.”
– “I’m tired of trying to be perfect.”
Tthen EMDR might be the missing piece.
How We Use EMDR at Embodied Wellness & Recovery
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we offer trauma-informed, somatic, and attachment-focused EMDR for a wide range of concerns—not just PTSD.
Our clinicians are trained in:
– Attachment-Focused EMDR
– Somatic integration and resourcing
– EMDR for complex trauma, anxiety, and emotional wounds
– Personalized EMDR intensives for accelerated healing
Whether you're processing long-standing patterns or seeking clarity after a recent emotional upheaval, we offer compassionate, neuroscience-backed care tailored to your individual needs.
EMDR is for anyone carrying invisible pain. You don’t need a diagnosis to deserve healing.
✨ Ready to explore how EMDR can help you heal and grow?
🧠 Book a consultation with one of our trauma-informed therapists.
🌱 Learn about our personalized EMDR intensives.
📍 Available in Los Angeles, Nashville, and virtually.
Reach out to schedule your free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated EMDR providers or somatic practitioners and begin your path to healing today.
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Parnell, L. (2013). Attachment-focused EMDR: Healing Relational Trauma. W. W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Standard EMDR vs. Attachment-Focused EMDR: Which Is Right for You?
Standard EMDR vs. Attachment-Focused EMDR: Which Is Right for You?
Curious about the difference between traditional EMDR and Attachment-Focused EMDR? Learn how a more relational, somatic approach can support healing from complex trauma and early attachment wounds.
Not All EMDR Is the Same
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful, evidence-based treatment for trauma. But what many people don’t know is that EMDR comes in different forms.
While standard EMDR is highly effective for single-incident traumas, those with complex trauma, developmental wounds, or relational issues often benefit more from Attachment-Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR)—a more flexible, intuitive, and relational approach.
What Is Standard EMDR?
Standard EMDR follows an 8-phase protocol developed by Francine Shapiro. It’s structured, manualized, and research-driven.
Best for:
– Single-incident trauma (e.g., accidents, assaults)
– Phobias or panic attacks
– Grief and loss
Key features:
– The therapist is more neutral and directive
– Sessions focus on identifying and reprocessing traumatic memories
– Best for clients who are emotionally stable and securely attached
This method works beautifully for many, but not all.
What Is Attachment-Focused EMDR?
Created by Dr. Laurel Parnell, Attachment-Focused EMDR modifies the standard model to support clients with early attachment trauma, emotional neglect, dissociation, or complex PTSD.
Best for:
– Childhood emotional abuse or neglect
– Developmental trauma
– Disorganized or insecure attachment
– Complex PTSD and dissociative symptoms
Key differences:
– The therapist is actively emotionally present
– Uses nurturing, protective, and wise figures to build internal safety
– Incorporates somatic resources to regulate the nervous system
– Adapts the pacing to each client’s tolerance and readiness
– Emphasizes relational repair as a core part of healing
In short, AF-EMDR makes space for the therapeutic relationship to become a healing agent.
Why It Matters for Complex Trauma
If you’ve experienced:
– Childhood abandonment
– Emotional invalidation
– Ongoing relational wounding
... then you may have learned to survive through disconnection—from your body, your feelings, and other people.
In these cases, trauma healing requires more than a protocol. It requires connection, attunement, and co-regulation—all of which are central to Attachment-Focused EMDR.
What the Science Says
Attachment-focused EMDR is grounded in interpersonal neurobiology and polyvagal theory. Research shows:
Healing happens through relationships that are safe, attuned, and emotionally present—not just intellectual insight or mechanical techniques.
When a therapist offers right-brain-to-right-brain attunement (Schore, 2009), the client’s brain begins to rewire itself for connection, trust, and safety. That’s what makes this approach so powerful.
Which Is Right for You?
If you’re relatively stable and looking to process a single, distressing event, standard EMDR may be a perfect fit.
But if you’ve experienced years of relational or developmental trauma, or you’ve struggled with feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or overwhelmed in other therapies, Attachment-Focused EMDR may be the deeper, safer path to healing.
How We Do It at Embodied Wellness & Recovery
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in:
– Attachment-Focused EMDR
– Somatic trauma therapy
– Integrative healing approaches for trauma, addiction, and intimacy issues
– EMDR intensives for those ready to go deeper in a shorter amount of time
Whether you’re located in Los Angeles or Nashville or seeking virtual support, our team of trauma-informed clinicians will meet you with compassion, skill, and respect for your unique healing journey.
You don’t have to heal alone. We’re here to walk with you, to be your “empathetic witness.”
🪷 Learn more about our EMDR services
📅 Schedule a free 20-minute consultation with one of our top-rate EMDR providers
🌱 Explore our EMDR Intensives and Specialty Programs that Incorporate EMDR
📍 Serving Los Angeles, Nashville, and clients nationwide (via telehealth)
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Parnell, L. (2013). Attachment-focused EMDR: Healing Relational Trauma. W. W. Norton & Company.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
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