Lauren Dummit-Schock 7/12/25 Lauren Dummit-Schock 7/12/25

Betrayal Trauma and the Brain: How Infidelity Impacts Self-Identity and Body Awareness

Betrayal Trauma and the Brain: How Infidelity Impacts Self-Identity and Body Awareness

Discover how betrayal trauma affects the brain, self-identity, and the nervous system and learn somatic and neuroscience-informed tools for reconnection. Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma, relationships, nervous system regulation, and intimacy.

What happens to the brain and the body when someone you deeply trusted violates that trust?

Whether it’s infidelity, deception, emotional abandonment, or long-term gaslighting, betrayal trauma disrupts our fundamental sense of reality. For many, it doesn’t just break the relationship; it fractures the nervous system, identity, and even the ability to feel safe inside one’s own skin.

This is not just an emotional wound. It is a biological injury, one that rewires the brain and alters how we see ourselves, others, and the world. And yet, understanding the neurobiology of betrayal trauma offers a pathway toward healing, not through erasing the pain, but through restoring coherence in the body and self.

The Neurobiology of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma activates the brain’s threat detection system in profoundly destabilizing ways. According to neuroscientific research, the brain responds to betrayal in a manner similar to how it responds to physical danger because, on a relational level, it poses a threat to survival.

1. The Amygdala: Alarm System on Overdrive

When betrayal is discovered or suspected, the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, goes into high alert. This leads to emotional flooding, hypervigilance, racing thoughts, insomnia, and somatic symptoms like nausea, shakiness, or chest tightness.

2. The Prefrontal Cortex: Offline During Distress

During trauma, higher-level thinking (handled by the prefrontal cortex) is temporarily impaired. That’s why individuals who have been betrayed may struggle to focus, make decisions, or maintain emotional regulation. Memory recall can feel scrambled or distorted, especially if gaslighting was involved.

3. The Nervous System: Dysregulation and Disembodiment

Betrayal trauma often causes the nervous system to toggle between sympathetic hyperarousal (fight/flight) and dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze/collapse). In these states, the body may feel unsafe, disconnected, or numb. This disconnection can persist long after the betrayal event.

Why Betrayal Trauma Disrupts Self-Identity

When betrayal comes from someone close, such as a partner, parent, or friend, it shatters not just trust in others but also trust in ourselves. Survivors often ask:

— How could I not have seen this coming?
— Was I not enough?

— What does this say about me?
— Can I ever trust my own judgment again?

These questions aren’t just cognitive; they reflect a deeper rupture in self-concept and embodied identity. Neuroscience reveals that our sense of self is not merely stored in the mind but instead encoded in our interoception, or the brain’s interpretation of bodily signals.

When trust is betrayed, the body itself can begin to feel foreign. Survivors often report:

— Feeling “outside of themselves”
— Difficulty recognizing emotions
— Disrupted eating, sleeping, or sexual patterns

— A sense of numbness or physical disorientation

This is a form of disembodiment, the body’s survival strategy for overwhelming emotional pain.

The Role of Somatic Therapy in Rebuilding Safety

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand that talk therapy alone may not be enough. The wound of betrayal lives not only in your thoughts but in your nervous system. That’s why our approach integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, and parts work to help clients safely reconnect with themselves.

Somatic Interventions That Support Reconnection:

1. Orienting and Grounding

Simple practices, ike naming colors in the room, feeling your feet on the floor, or holding a warm object, can signal safety to the nervous system.

2. Titrated Body Awareness

Slowly tracking sensation, without flooding, is key. For example: “Notice the sensation in your chest for just three breaths.” This helps restore interoceptive

awareness.

3. Boundary Mapping

After betrayal, the sense of self/other boundary may blur. Somatic mapping of where “I end and you begin” rebuilds internal safety and trust.

4. Touch and Containment Work

Gentle self-touch (like hand to heart or abdomen) combined with resourcing can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and support emotional

containment.

How EMDR and Parts Work Can Support Self-Trust

Betrayal trauma often results in a fragmentation of self. Survivors may feel at war within, part of them still longing for connection, another part enraged or disgusted, another frozen in grief. These are not symptoms of weakness; they are signs that the psyche is trying to protect itself.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

Using EMDR, we target painful memories of discovery, denial, or relational trauma that are “stuck” in the nervous system. By safely accessing and reprocessing these memories, clients often find that:

— Their hypervigilance decreases
— Their ability to trust their body improves
— Their sense of present-day reality becomes clearer

Parts Work (IFS-Informed)

Betrayal often awakens wounded child parts, those who crave love at any cost. Through parts work, we compassionately help clients unblend these parts from the Self, enabling them to reclaim their adult authority and internal coherence.

Reclaiming the Body After Betrayal

When you’ve experienced betrayal, your body may no longer feel like a safe place. It may feel like it betrayed you, too, by missing red flags, by feeling desire for someone who hurt you, or by going numb in moments of pain.

But the body wasn’t broken. It was protecting you.

Somatic Reconnection Offers a Path to Wholeness:

— Movement (yoga, walking, shaking) to release survival energy
— Breathwork to create space between triggers and response
— Creative expression to re-establish your voice and power
— Rituals of self-compassion (like bathing, journaling, or saying “thank you” to your body)

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we guide clients toward embodied sovereignty, a felt sense of “this is my body, my truth, and my boundary.” It’s from this place that true relational repair becomes possible.

Moving Forward: From Survival to Self-Connection

Betrayal trauma can make you question everything, including yourself. However, neuroscience reminds us that the brain and body are plastic. They can reorganize. They can learn safety again.

You don’t have to forget what happened to reclaim yourself. In fact, the work isn’t to erase the past; it’s to reorganize your relationship to it.

Through somatic and neuroscience-informed therapy, it’s possible to:

     — Rebuild nervous system regulation
   — Trust your body’s signals
— Restore emotional boundaries
  — Reclaim a clear, sovereign sense of self

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery…

We specialize in treating trauma, betrayal, and relationship wounds through a holistic, body-based lens. Our expert clinicians are trained in:

— EMDR
— Somatic Experiencing
— Attachment repair
— Parts work (IFS-informed)
— Intimacy and sexuality integration

Whether you’re reeling from infidelity, navigating betrayal in early family life, or trying to reconnect with your body after emotional abuse, we offer steady, compassionate guidance as you move forward, bringing warmth, precision, and deep respect for your process.

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation and begin your journey toward embodied connection, clarity, and confidence.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr. ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

1. Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press.

2. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

3. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 4/13/25 Lauren Dummit-Schock 4/13/25

Beyond Infidelity: 10 Types of Betrayal That Can Damage a Relationship

Beyond Infidelity: 10 Types of Betrayal That Can Damage a Relationship

Betrayal can take many forms—infidelity, secrecy, emotional neglect, and more. Learn the different types of betrayal in relationships, how they impact the brain, and how healing is possible. Discover how Embodied Wellness and Recovery helps clients process betrayal trauma with neuroscience-informed, body-based therapy.

Understanding the Different Types of Betrayal in Relationships: A Neuroscience-Informed Guide to Healing

Have you ever found yourself asking: How could they do this to me? Whether it was a broken promise, infidelity, or a devastating emotional withdrawal, betrayal in a relationship can leave deep emotional scars. And it doesn’t only hurt emotionally—it affects the body and brain, too.

Betrayal trauma disrupts our most basic assumptions about safety, trust, and intimacy. It can come from a partner, a parent, a close friend, or anyone with whom we’ve formed a vulnerable emotional bond. When someone we depend on for safety becomes the source of harm, the nervous system responds with confusion, hypervigilance, and even dissociation.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping individuals heal from relational trauma using Attachment-Focused EMDR, Somatic Therapy, and a trauma-informed approach grounded in neuroscience.

What Is Betrayal in a Relationship?

Betrayal is any act that violates the implicit or explicit agreements that form the foundation of trust within a relationship. While most people think of sexual infidelity, there are many other ways betrayal can occur.

Understanding the different types of betrayal helps to validate your experience and guide the path toward healing.

Common Types of Betrayal in Relationships

1. Sexual Infidelity

This is perhaps the most well-known form of betrayal: when one partner engages in sexual intimacy with someone outside the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship. The emotional impact is often profound, triggering shame, grief, rage, and deep insecurity.

2. Emotional Affairs

Even without physical intimacy, forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the relationship can be experienced as betrayal. Emotional affairs often involve secrecy, intimate sharing, and a redirection of emotional energy away from the primary partner.

3. Lies and Deception

Being lied to—about anything from finances to daily habits—can erode trust over time. Chronic deception damages the emotional fabric of a relationship and creates an environment of suspicion and instability.

4. Withholding or Stonewalling

Consistently withdrawing emotional presence, affection, or communication can be perceived as betrayal, When one partner shuts down or disengages without explanation, it can activate the other's attachment wounds and create a sense of abandonment.

5. Broken Promises

Promises are not just casual words—they are commitments that build security. Repeatedly breaking promises, even small ones, undermines emotional safety and reliability.

6. Financial Infidelity

This includes hiding debt, secret spending, or keeping financial information from a partner. Money is deeply tied to safety and security, so financial deception can feel just as violating as emotional or sexual betrayal.

7. Public Humiliation or Betrayal of Confidence

Exposing your partner's vulnerabilities or secrets in public or using their pain against them can cause deep relational ruptures. It breaches the unspoken agreement of being each other's emotional sanctuary.

8. Digital Betrayal

With the rise of social media, digital forms of betrayal (e.g., sexting, secret online relationships, or flirting via DMs) are increasingly common. These acts can feel deeply violating, even if no physical contact occurs.

9. Spiritual Betrayal

For couples who share spiritual or religious beliefs, one partner acting in direct contradiction to those shared values can feel like a betrayal not only of the relationship but of a shared moral foundation.

10. Abuse or Coercion

Any form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse is an ultimate betrayal of relational safety. Coercion—emotional or sexual—undermines autonomy and leaves lasting trauma in the nervous system.

The Neuroscience of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma doesn't just affect the mind—it activates the body’s stress response system. The amygdala (the brain’s alarm center) becomes overactive, while the prefrontal cortex (responsible for logical thinking and regulation) often goes offline.

This neurological pattern explains why betrayal trauma often causes:

– Intrusive thoughts or obsessive rumination

– Hypervigilance and fear of abandonment

– Emotional numbness or dissociation

– Sleep issues and appetite changes

– Chronic anxiety and depression

Understanding that your brain is reacting to perceived danger can help you move out of shame and into self-compassion. You’re not "overreacting"—you’re experiencing a physiological survival response.

How to Begin Healing from Betrayal

If you’ve experienced betrayal, you may feel like the ground beneath you has disappeared. But healing is possible. The journey starts by validating your experience and seeking support that honors both your emotional and physiological reality.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients rebuild trust with themselves and others using a holistic, trauma-informed framework:

1. Attachment-Focused EMDR

Helps reprocess painful memories stored in the nervous system and rewire beliefs around safety, trust, and self-worth.

2. Somatic Therapy

Supports nervous system regulation by helping clients connect with their bodies, release stored trauma, and develop a sense of internal safety.

3. Parts Work and Inner Child Healing

Guides clients to reconnect with and care for the wounded parts of themselves that were activated by betrayal.

4. Couples Therapy (when appropriate)

Facilitates honest communication, accountability, and repair when both partners are committed to rebuilding trust.

Questions to Reflect On

– What kind of betrayal have I experienced, and how has it affected my sense of self and safety?

– What emotions or physical sensations arise when I think about the betrayal?

– Have I given myself permission to grieve?

– What kind of support do I need in order to begin healing?

There Is Hope After Betrayal

Betrayal is one of the most painful human experiences, but it doesn’t have to define your future. Whether you’re healing alone or as a couple, you deserve support that sees the whole you: your story, your body, and your capacity for resilience.

Embodied Wellness and Recovery offers compassionate, neuroscience-informed care for individuals and couples navigating betrayal, trauma, and relational healing. You are not alone.

Reach out today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated couples therapists, betrayal trauma experts, or trauma specialists to see if Embodied Wellness and Recovery could be an ideal fit for your relationship repair and somatic healing needs.